Consider this:
Yale students love to keep themselves absurdly busy. You may ask, do you have time for lunch this week? And they'll say... oh... I'm busy then. You both pull out your iphone calendars, scroll through the days listing times and dates until maybe option 12 works for both of you. We dash between meetings, many of which we sit through with our legs and arms crossed, leaning back and watching while two people have a conversation about what to do next. You dont need to be there but you want to be there to know what is going on, because if you're not there, it's as though you have conceded power. We ditch our friends some times to have lunch with people we find boring but helpful or interesting for one reason or another. We carry on the acquaintance web and talk about friend X or Y and how they did something crazy last weekend, when we know well and good that they are not our friends.
What I mean by that, is that we enjoy and employ the smoke screen in many aspects of life. My students will define "friendship" as relationship between people who are kind to each other, talk on a semi-frequent basis and that you spend time with.
I like a lot of people, but acknowledge that they are not my friends. My friends are the people I'm not embarrassed to cry in front of, to admit to failing a problem set or writing a shitty essay last minute while I was finishing a project off campus and didnt have time to write something worth printing out. They are the ones I tell when I'm scared. They've seen me laugh like a lunatic. They've grabbed my hand when I've nearly stumbled off a sidewalk and into on coming traffic. They ask about my projects, my obsessions, Latin America... they speak the little spanish to me they know and send me articles about Mexico with comments that let me know that they've read them. They've told me when I was being a stubborn ass, when I'm being too hard on myself, and when I did something worth noticing. They let you sleep on their floor when you've had a really bad day and it's late and you fall asleep there. They kick your ass at pool and tell you that you'll beat them next time. They hug you when you need one, they slap you when you're in a crazy place in your mind. You love them, and it feels like a safety blanket that you can pull out anytime.
And yet, we all keep up with the smoke screen of friendships. The people we selectively ignore because we met them once in a dark room at an event and both remember each other but pretend we dont for the sake of not embarrassing ourselves. We play the TELL ME ABOUT YOUR LIFE game when you know the other person really isnt interested in what you are saying. We hug like we havent seen each other in years due to forced separation... when really it's been a few weeks because the other person forgot to text back.
Appearances. So sexy, arent they?
Consider this: Your job. Your Resume. Your Accomplishments. Like your friendships, how many of them are real?
I've spent more time this month wondering about this than I have with any previous period in my life. Wondering about what I do and how I spend my time versus what is actually produced in that time. The value add I offer to various things I am working on, my previous partners in work spaces, and what I want to give back to the world.
I realized this morning how much of what I say and communicate successfully depends on the listeners. When I tell you that I community organize, a specific idea of what I do pops into your mind. You base it others you know who do something related to this. You determine the weight of my words.
Often this has bothered me. Because I feel like people give me credit for things I dont deserve. Yes, I did start and run two conferences during my time at yale. My personal value system tells me these did not accomplish something within my system of weighing the things that I give back. I look back on these events as fun learning experiences, but also as semi-selfish uses of my time. My gain was surely greater than anything I gave to other people.
And therein lies the problem.
I realized that your interpretation of what I do is off, but so is my own interpretation of what I do. No one can accurately measure the value add of what I have given unless they were fully part of it. I cannot because I cannot separate myself from it and consider my work objectively. You cannot because without being part of it, you must rely on my account and the accounts of others working with me along with your own biases and knowledge of a topic.
Can we ever fully isolate that space of truth in describing who we are and what we have done with our lives? How do we measure the value of our work? And in seeking an answer, is this the best way to figure out what we should be doing with our lives?
Yale students love to keep themselves absurdly busy. You may ask, do you have time for lunch this week? And they'll say... oh... I'm busy then. You both pull out your iphone calendars, scroll through the days listing times and dates until maybe option 12 works for both of you. We dash between meetings, many of which we sit through with our legs and arms crossed, leaning back and watching while two people have a conversation about what to do next. You dont need to be there but you want to be there to know what is going on, because if you're not there, it's as though you have conceded power. We ditch our friends some times to have lunch with people we find boring but helpful or interesting for one reason or another. We carry on the acquaintance web and talk about friend X or Y and how they did something crazy last weekend, when we know well and good that they are not our friends.
What I mean by that, is that we enjoy and employ the smoke screen in many aspects of life. My students will define "friendship" as relationship between people who are kind to each other, talk on a semi-frequent basis and that you spend time with.
I like a lot of people, but acknowledge that they are not my friends. My friends are the people I'm not embarrassed to cry in front of, to admit to failing a problem set or writing a shitty essay last minute while I was finishing a project off campus and didnt have time to write something worth printing out. They are the ones I tell when I'm scared. They've seen me laugh like a lunatic. They've grabbed my hand when I've nearly stumbled off a sidewalk and into on coming traffic. They ask about my projects, my obsessions, Latin America... they speak the little spanish to me they know and send me articles about Mexico with comments that let me know that they've read them. They've told me when I was being a stubborn ass, when I'm being too hard on myself, and when I did something worth noticing. They let you sleep on their floor when you've had a really bad day and it's late and you fall asleep there. They kick your ass at pool and tell you that you'll beat them next time. They hug you when you need one, they slap you when you're in a crazy place in your mind. You love them, and it feels like a safety blanket that you can pull out anytime.
And yet, we all keep up with the smoke screen of friendships. The people we selectively ignore because we met them once in a dark room at an event and both remember each other but pretend we dont for the sake of not embarrassing ourselves. We play the TELL ME ABOUT YOUR LIFE game when you know the other person really isnt interested in what you are saying. We hug like we havent seen each other in years due to forced separation... when really it's been a few weeks because the other person forgot to text back.
Appearances. So sexy, arent they?
Consider this: Your job. Your Resume. Your Accomplishments. Like your friendships, how many of them are real?
I've spent more time this month wondering about this than I have with any previous period in my life. Wondering about what I do and how I spend my time versus what is actually produced in that time. The value add I offer to various things I am working on, my previous partners in work spaces, and what I want to give back to the world.
I realized this morning how much of what I say and communicate successfully depends on the listeners. When I tell you that I community organize, a specific idea of what I do pops into your mind. You base it others you know who do something related to this. You determine the weight of my words.
Often this has bothered me. Because I feel like people give me credit for things I dont deserve. Yes, I did start and run two conferences during my time at yale. My personal value system tells me these did not accomplish something within my system of weighing the things that I give back. I look back on these events as fun learning experiences, but also as semi-selfish uses of my time. My gain was surely greater than anything I gave to other people.
And therein lies the problem.
I realized that your interpretation of what I do is off, but so is my own interpretation of what I do. No one can accurately measure the value add of what I have given unless they were fully part of it. I cannot because I cannot separate myself from it and consider my work objectively. You cannot because without being part of it, you must rely on my account and the accounts of others working with me along with your own biases and knowledge of a topic.
Can we ever fully isolate that space of truth in describing who we are and what we have done with our lives? How do we measure the value of our work? And in seeking an answer, is this the best way to figure out what we should be doing with our lives?
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